PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
