So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
