Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
