i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
