I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
