I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
