I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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