Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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