Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
