Plan B is the new Plan A
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
