I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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