i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
