You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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