My room smells like vodka and shame
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
