I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
