Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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