He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize