he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How does one acquire holy water?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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