I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
