Is it because I queefed?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
