oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
