When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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