I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
