i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you win again, gameday.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
