i permit you to call me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
