What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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