two words: eviction party
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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