I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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