Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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