I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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