I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Let's paint friendship bongs
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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