You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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