i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
