dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
