So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
