do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
