Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
