the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
