just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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