Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
