Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
PANTIES FOUND
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