end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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