i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
