I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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