the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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