omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
