I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
