why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
