My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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