so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
