i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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