she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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