There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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