You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
